Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Wreck the Halls, Christmas with Cats

Every year, as the Christmas season approaches, to make sure that I don't let my guard down, I revisit the horror that was December 2006 for me. Okay, horror isn't quite the right word, but let's just say that it wasn't the Norman Rockwell Christmas of my dreams.

After losing my precious, cat soul-mate Siamese the prior February, I'd decided that I couldn't live without at least one Siamese in my life, so I got two kittens, one seal point named Benton and his blue point brother, Jack. Add to that the puppy we'd gotten that year (having also lost a beautiful, loyal, awesome dog in January) and you have the makings of quite a cute Christmas card ... or so I thought. Like most deluded kitten and puppy owners, I looked forward to the holiday season with my playful little furballs.

I suppose in the eighteen years since I'd adopted my first Siamese, I'd forgotten about all of the mischief he used to get into, not the least of which was removing an alarmingly large amount of wallpaper from the walls of a rented apartment, eating an entire slipper, making off with a pet iguana, trashing the apartment so thoroughly that I thought I'd been robbed, and completely biting through the Christmas tree lights extension cord. It is due to this selective amnesia that the extent of kitten mischief my new meezers engaged in actually took me by surprise. Then there was Daphne, the new puppy who was so destructive that we took to calling her The Daphinator.

While I had dreamed of a warm, festive holiday season, what actually followed was an angst-filled month of destruction and home-wrecking (by the animals), and newly emerging neuroses and alcohol consumption (by me) - all of which was documented in the kittens' blog. Pardon the writing, this is an unedited blog and I was, after all, having a nervous breakdown (and quite possibly drunk) when I wrote most of it.

Scroll to the bottom to begin reading: Benton and Jack's Christmas Blog

Saturday, November 24, 2012

In My Mind, I'm Still Twenty-five

In my mind, I'm still twenty-five. In reality, I'm not. How old am I? Well, a lady never tells, but let's just say that twenty-five is pretty far back in the rearview mirror. Anyway, with the exception of those times when I spend hours searching for my car keys only to find they have been inexplicably placed in the refrigerator, I feel as fit and alert as I did back then. In fact, that attitude hasn't changed in years (and people much older than me have expressed similar sentiments), so I have no reason to think I'll ever "feel my age" - mentally anyway.

This should be a good thing, right? I mean, who doesn't smile at the thought that when they're forty, fifty or even seventy, they'll still feel capable of living a full life, doing everything they used to. I suppose that's true, but ... (there's always a but, isn't there?) the problem comes when you fail to acknowledge that this "I can do anything I used to" feeling is all in your head.

Just yesterday, I saw a television commercial advertising an upcoming ice dancing show. The ad showed a skater doing a beautiful split as she leapt gracefully through the air. (Are you starting to see the problem here?) Naturally, I immediately pictured myself performing such a move right there in my living room. And so I did. Now, the real flaw in my thinking here was the thought that I was ever capable of performing such a move. I mean, sure, I went skating when I was a kid. I even managed to remain upright through most of it. However, I can think of no instance when both of my feet left the surface of the rink that wasn't the result of an unfortunate meeting of my backside and the ice. Also, the whole leaping thing aside, I cannot recall ever having been able to (intentionally) do a split.

This incident is only slightly reminiscent of my last cartwheel attempt only three years ago - which was successful by the way - but then, I was actually able to do cartwheels when I was younger. The only reason I did it recently was to make sure that the supposedly healed elbow I had broken was in fact still capable of holding me up in an inverted position. Now, why I needed to know that remains a mystery and the possible outcome if it had failed (that is, landing on my head) was potentially dangerous - so much so that my current older self spent a bit of time chastising that stupid but-I'm-still-twenty-five mindset of mine.

Other notable stupid things I've done in the name of independence and a can-do attitude include attempting to remove old kitchen cabinets by myself (those are much heavier when they land on your foot than you think they'll be), doing yoga in an un-airconditioned house after mowing the lawn on a 100 degree plus day (why is that floor moving up so fast?) and - this one happened when I was still young - attempting a high kick while wearing the tight jeans of a skinny young woman (let's just say that the stitching of said tight jeans did not allow for such a separation of the legs and be thankful that I was in front of a soft bed to fall on).

As for yesterday, I'm pleased to report that my ill-advised leap did not result in any lasting injury, nor were there any cameras around, so I won't end up on YouTube. However, the mere attempt introduced me to muscles I don't recall having - and they weren't happy. I'm now trying to convince my silly mind that there are perhaps things I should no longer try, no matter how cool they look when I picture myself doing them.

PS - I may finally be learning because shortly after the leaping incident, The Ellen Show had Madonna and her dancers on and I managed to refrain from attempting to do any of the moves they performed! Of course, that might have been due to the still sore muscles in my legs. Today will no doubt find me once again trying to play Dance Central (I still can't figure out why my Kinect doesn't recognize when I am flipping it off!).

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Getting Old Isn't All Bad, Try Something New

Getting old sucks. And the sucking starts earlier than you think it will. By the time you hit your late twenties, you're already noticing that going out all night - whether it be to a bar, a show or even just to a friend's house - is just not as fun as it used to be. You start feeling the effects of late night carousing the next morning. And that's just the beginning. Then the aches start. And then there's the what was it now ... oh yeah, the forgetfulness.

But this post isn't about the suckiness of aging. This is about one of the good things about getting older (yes, there are actually some). Aside from the great wisdom you'll have gleaned from your life experiences (some of us learn more than others depending on how hard life chooses to kick our butts along the way), one of the best things about aging is that you stop caring what other people think about some of the choices you make. For example, typing a non-word like 'suckiness' and not giving a damn that it doesn't appear in a dictionary.

To be clear, I'm not talking about moral choices. Just because your ice cream birthday cake melts if you put the real number of candles on it now doesn't mean you can suddenly decide to start ramming the cars of drivers who seem to fall asleep when the light turns green, or yell at the moron ... I mean person in front of you at the self-service checkout who thinks that grinding the package into the glass will help the already-scratched-beyond-repair-from-the-last-customer-who -did-that scanner read the barcode any better. No, what I'm talking about is the programs you watch, the books you read and the music you listen to. Especially the music. When I was younger, it just seemed way too important to listen to the right music for acceptance in whatever social group you belonged to. We wanted our bands to be underground. Radio play was bad. Commercial success was discouraged. What the hell was wrong with us?

I'll tell you what was wrong with us. An underdeveloped understanding of economics. I mean, really. If nobody but me and my closest friends listened to a band, how on earth would that band be able to continue making music? Like everyone else in the world, they needed money to buy food, clothing and shelter.

As I've gotten older, I've stopped worrying about being labeled as someone who likes this type of music or that one. I no longer care. I have an incredibly eclectic music selection on my iPod. One minute it's playing some techno-goth tune and the next it'll be a traditional Celtic reel. Sure this variety led to one unfortunate incident in which a track from the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack (original cast including Murray Head and Ian Gillan, naturally) was immediately followed by a song titled "Satan", but those are few and far between.

Yep, musical variety is by far one of the best benefits to aging. I've found songs that I really like from so many different genres that I never would have listened to when I was younger, including songs from country, hip hop, traditional, world and even - dare I say it - pop! In fact, I pity my younger self for missing out on some good music all those years.

Give it a try. There are so many places where you can get exposure to different stuff at no risk. YouTube, samplers, or even band-sanctioned free downloads. (Side note: please make sure that free music is legal and offered by the band or publisher. Remember, if you won't support artists by legally obtaining their music/books/films, etc., why would you expect them to keep entertaining you? Would you want to entertain someone who was stealing from you?)

Today's musical suggestion from me is The Darrell Webb Band. I confess that the combination of watching Justified and researching my Appalachian father's genealogy prompted me to listen to some Bluegrass, and it's not all to my taste, but I really like this band. Excellent instrumentation and what a set of pipes he has! My personal favorites thus far are Miner's Hell and Goodbye to the Sun.

But no matter what you choose to listen to, keep an open mind and enjoy!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

My Startling Revelation

So things in the New York tri-state area have been kind of tough since Hurricane Sandy (that's an understatement). You've seen the images on television, store shelves wiped out, long lines at the gas pump, flooded homes, lots of devastation. Not good. My husband is something of a closet fan of Doomsday Preppers and his fear of a Zombie Apocalypse is well-known (to me).

Anyway, a few days after Sandy hit, my very kind and thoughtful husband volunteered to stop at the food store to restock our pet food supply. I graciously accepted and mentioned one or two people food items that might be nice. He returned with a ****load of stuff. Spent waaaaay more than I ever do on the shopping.

Not that I was surprised by that. I don't want to generalize, but I've noticed over the years that many men tend to concentrate on snack foods and cleaners, rather than the makings of real meals. So, in my post-Sandy kitchen I now have gallons and gallons of water (good), winter lager (he surprised me with that ... yum), tons of potato chips, Fritos, pretzels, Doritos, cookies and crackers. Oh yeah. And pepperoni. Lots of pepperoni.

Fortunately, my propensity to overstock especially when there's a sale, means we're still good for regular food, but let me just say ... this hasn't been my best healthy eating week. Between his testosterone-inspired food shopping trip and the advice of the news anchors that we should "hunker down and eat our Halloween candy" (now that's responsible reporting for you), my diet's taken a bit of a hit.

However, today, as I opened a winter lager and sat back with a bowl of chips and dip, I had the startling revelation as to what's going on. That son of a bitch! He thinks the Zombie Apocalypse is imminent and he's fattening me up to slow me down so he can get away!

It goes without saying that it's not a good environment for a relationship when one partner believes the other is out to get them killed by zombies. I mean, he's buying me enough crap to ensure that my dentist will, in fact, be able to take that Caribbean vacation (provided the zombies don't eat him first), and there I am trying to surreptitiously add lard to his portion of the meal in an attempt to even things out, all the while listening for the sound of footsteps so he doesn't see what I'm doing. I'll have to start loosening his clothing soon so he doesn't notice.

For the record, I finally confronted him about his diabolical plan and he laughed ... but he didn't deny it.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Sins of the Flesh

My humble apologies if you weren't expecting a hellfire and brimstone sermon on the evils of attraction and sex. I have no problems with consensual sex between two adults ... of any gender. That's not what this post is about.

Here's what it is about: I had iTunes on shuffle and the song Sins of the Flesh by Sister Machine Gun came on. I decided to plug it into a YouTube search and see what came up. What a surprise. Were you surprised? I was so surprised. Sorry, was channeling Eddie Izzard for a minute there. Anyway, in addition to the expected song, a whole bunch of other videos came up.

Since I'm easily distracted (I was supposed to be working on the third book in the Masters of the Storm series), I decided to check them out.

  • 1 - Sins of the Flesh, by Lucky Dube This song was surprisingly pleasant to listen to (for me b/c it's reggae and out of my usual genre). Sadly, I found that the musician was murdered in a carjacking.
  • 2 - Sucker Punch by Sins of the Flesh - Not sure what I thought of this. I think it's a song I could probably grow to like if I listened to it enough. I especially liked the point in the song where the vocalist's voice reminded me a bit of the vocalist from Faith No More
  • 3 - Sins of the Flesh by Real Catholic TV - yeah, um, my eyes glazed over after about thirty seconds. These morons are trying to tell us that God gave us the ability to feel the ultimate pleasure yet we are supposed to not do it? Even if you're married, but not trying to procreate? How is that not turning your back on a God-given gift? Hey, for all I know, they addressed this issue, but all I heard after the first few seconds was blah blah blah, flesh, blah blah blah, pornography, blah blah blah diabolical ... I gave up.
  • 4 - Sins of the Flesh, Lizzy Borden - first thought? 80s hair band metal. Let's check 'em out on Wiki. Yep, if it quacks like a duck. Don't get me wrong. I didn't mind some 80s hair bands ... in the 80s. It's just not all that appealing to me now.
  • 5 - Sins of the Flesh - Greed. Wow. very speed metal-sounding. I liked. If I had found this when i was a kid, I'd have listened to it all the time. Just a tad long (14+ minutes) for my adult onset ADD :P
  • 6 - Sins of Flesh - Dovble O.mov - Well, hip hop isn't my usual genre, either, but I liked the beat and the lyrics were honest. Not bad.
  • 7 - Sins of the Flesh - First Communion - video claimed to be deathrock. I'm not buying it. Rock, yes, death rock? Nah. I found it way too heavy on the treble end of the spectrum to be pleasant to listen to. I actually had to turn the speakers down (the only other video that inspired such action was the hellfire and brimstone narrator on the Catholic video). Not really my cup of tea.
  • 8 - Sins of the flesh: repent yourself before temptation strikes!- LOL! Turned out to be a car commercial from Brazil. Me gusto mucho mucho mucho. Okay, that was supposed to be the Spanish word for very (mucho) twice, followed by the silly English-speaker pseudo-Spanish word much with an 'o' on the end, but it either ended up being very times three in Spanish, or obnoxious English speaker thrice over. Anyway, very funny! Sins of the flesh: repent yourself before temptation strikes!
  • 9 - Sins of the Flesh [www.silverdollargames.com] WTF??? Apparently, this is an Xbox game. Where is the receipt for my Xbox? Can I still return it?
  • 10 - book trailer: Sins of the Flesh, by Caridad Pineiro. I never read it, but it got good reviews - currently 4.2 out of 5 stars on Amazon and 3.66 on GoodReads. Overall, her books seem to have good ratings. If you like romance, maybe you should check her out.
  • 11 - Sins O' The Flesh Switch Night 2010 Freddie Mercury Trixie - Hmm, I like Rocky Horror, I like Freddie Mercury, and sexual orientation doesn't bother me a bit (everybody should do what makes them happy - provided it's legal), but I kind of didn't get this ... at all. Not the song from Rocky Horror I'd have chosen for a male to strip to, gay or otherwise. just weird. Oh well. Moving on ...
  • 12 - Sins Of The Flesh by Toy Love - OMG! 80s stuff. Lots of 80s stuff. The song itself is kind of catchy. The images are horribly 80s.
  • 13 - Sins O' The Flesh - In Show Safety Instructions - for anyone who had ever attended a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Well, to quote Willow a la season 6 (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Bored now. We're into variations on the search words now anyway. This was kind of an interesting exercise. Perhaps I'll repeat it in the future. Hmm, Kid Rock's I am the Bullgod is playing right now. Wonder what that search would get me? Never mind, it'd probably yield a bunch of Romney videos that I don't want to watch.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

November is Spy Month

In honor of the upcoming new Bond film, November's movie theme will be spy movies. Now, which ones to pick?

As a huge fan of things relating to the Cold War, I could choose from the multitude of serious films made on the subject. Excellent ones include Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Company, The Lives of Others (post Cold War, but applicable none-the-less). However, in the wake of the devastation done by Sandy surrounding us on Long Island (800,000 still without power, gas in short supply, homes destroyed, trees down everywhere, and absolutely horrific stories of loss of lives - I had to turn the news off because I found myself breaking down every time I thought about it), I think we should go for a lighter mood (for the first two, at least).

Three excellent choices come to mind: Gotcha, The Man Who Knew too Little, and Her Alibi.

Now, Gotcha is just pure brilliance. There's no part of that movie that I don't absolutely love. Anthony Edwards plays a college student who gets involved with a courier (Linda Fiorentino) and travels to East Berlin with her. Though the lead actors were fantastic, one of my favorite parts of the movie remains all of the peripheral characters. The Marine at Checkpoint Charlie, Jonathan's friend Manolo, the Mexican housekeeper Rosaria, Jonathan's parents, the waiter in the French Cafe, the East German police and best of all - in an outstanding portrayal of civil servants that seems to cross even the Iron Curtain - the CIA receptionist and the East German border agent who sells visas. If you've never seen it, give it a try, I think you'll enjoy it.

The Man Who Knew too Little: what can I say about this movie? Bill Murray plays Peter Gallagher's annoying brother. Gallagher lives in London and is hosting an important business meeting, so he buys one of those adventure packages for Murray to keep him busy. When Murray's 'adventure' collides with real life, he becomes mixed up in a web of intrigue and an assassination plot. Guaranteed to make you laugh.

Her Alibi: This one takes place in America. Tom Selleck is an author with writer's block. He goes to a courtroom for inspiration and sees a beautiful woman (Paulina Porizkova) accused of murder. Selleck decides to provide her with an alibi and becomes involved in some political intrigue. The interactions between Selleck and Porizkova are terrific and very funny, but the best part by far is the running narrative of Selleck's character as he writes a book loosely (very loosely as you'll see) based on what's happening in real life with Porizkova.

After we have some comic relief, perhaps we'll add a Bond flick to the month's viewing. If I had my way, we'd watch the BBC miniseries that was made of Len Deighton's Game, Set and Match series (the books are Berlin Game, Mexico Set and London Match), but it's never been made available. I saw this when I was much younger on PBS and loved it. I had already read the books and I thought the series was well made (although I read somewhere that perhaps that author hadn't agreed). I even had my hubby read the book a year or two ago and he loved them. Sigh.

Since I have to stick to movies that are actually available, I think it will have to be Bond. Now, which one to choose ...